I've Got lots of Cheese to go with My Whine

Do you ever wish you could just drop what you're doing, pack a suitcase and just drive to some random town, city, province (or state) and just start over?

Sometimes I just wish I didn't know anyone, or have any ties to this town, or people from my past. I just want to drop what I'm doing and get in my car and drive to the most random town, city, province (or state), and stay there.
It's actually something I crave on a daily basis, and yet I just can't let myself do it.
What is stopping me? I have no debt, I don't have any children, or animals that I am responsible for (though I sure would miss seeing Coco, and Pugsy).
I think what is making me stay in this town and try to be stable is the fact that I'm still married. And even though we're separated (literally - as in two different countries), and we're at that point where we're about to tell each other to fuck off.

When we got married I was so optimistic and happy about the way my life was going. I wonder if I went into it with too many expectations. I am horrible for that. I had expectations, and assumed that everything was going to be a bowl of cute lil rosy red cherries. Boy was I ever wrong.
I know that all relationships have problems. I understand that, and I put aside my anger, and upset whenever he would do something stupid, get pissed off at me for no reason, or just generally make me feel like shit. I did that just so that I wouldn't become one of those whiny, or bitchy for no reason, nag type of woman. Finally it turned me into what I never wanted to be.

I still don't understand it all, and probably never will. I have thought about things until my head felt like it was going to burst. I would just like to know how to get past this without compromising myself, and what I stand for.

posted by Donna at 2/01/2007 11:38:00 p.m.