Happy New Year & Fuck It All

First of all... Happy New Year, second of all... FUCK IT ALL!

Tonight, I've had a lot of good and bad stuff come to head in my life...well maybe only in my mind.
I am doing the best I can to make myself truly happy, and I am trying to be the best daughter/sister/friend I can be. Maybe I'm an idiot for constantly thinking of others, but it is part of me.

Had a fight with the husband tonight. We've been getting along and trying to work things out, but something has been holding me back from completely telling him to go fuck himself, and on the other hand i just can't wait to see him. Ok yeah it would be nice to see him, have a good lay and all that, BUT.... So many but's. I hate but's!
Facing it head on, I was fucking miserable with him, miserable with my life in Ohio. Nothing but trailer parks and corn fields. Ok living in a trailer isn't so bad...I do live in one here, but at least I don't have a drunken husband slobbering on me to make the horror complete.

Within the last few months I've come to know myself again, it's a weird feeling to know yourself so well, yet doubting yourself every minute of every day. I'll never give myself over like that again, will no longer let myself be so trapped without a job, car, some sort of freedom. My family and friends had to go there to see me, because I was in the US without a green card. I couldn't work, I wasn't a legal resident and since I have a problem (because of my age and because I had met Mr Dork online) I couldn't come and go from Canada to the U.S. whenever I wanted.

I'm rambling, but it's making me feel good right now. So I say fuck it all, I'm going to let go and live my life the way I want. I'm doing to do things then way I want, when I want.

posted by Donna at 1/01/2007 12:47:00 a.m.