Good Morning

So, it's Monday, and I'm back in town.

Got back yesterday morning around 7 am. We did an overnight drive from Durham, N.C. Stayed in a hotel to sleep for a few hours before we all went for our farewell breakfast at IHOP.

Now tell me this...why didn't I just keep on going straight for the border? I am miserable and have been since getting home and everyone left to go back to Canada. This weekend was just so awesome. It was good to be around people that aren't miserable from the time they wake up until they go back to bed. I felt the most alive I have felt in months.
We didn't do anything really special, we just shopped, hung out around the pool at the hotel, went to a college football game, and hung out with Shida's mom.

I get home and he's cranky..says he's sick, but yeah right. He just pretty much slept around the clock for three days...yeah I'm sure it feels good to sleep a lot, but when you wake up it does make ya feel kind of icky. So it's his own damn fault. Don't make me feel bad for being happy to see you motherfucker!
Yeah I'm feeling it a lot...I hate being around someone who is so fucking chronically cranky that they can't even crack a smile when I say or do something silly. Hey, I get cranky too, but I go and just get over it instead of passing on the feeling to others. I just checked my bank account to see if I had enough money in there to get a bus ticket back to Toronto, but of course as is my luck there is not enough. My good ol reliable flight instinct (when the going gets tough I take off) is kicking into overdrive and I'm not liking this feeling of being torn between two options.

Option #1: Go back, live at home again for a while and have the stress of mom, but also having the option to work, dowhat I want, go where I want, when I want, and being able to just get the hell out for a while with friends, or just go to my special spot to unwind.

Option #2: Stay here with Mr. Miserable, have no life except for him, the kitties, and the stupid computer, and become Mrs. Miserable instead of Mrs. Happy & Optimistic, and have a complete fucking breakdown.

Ok, yeah I see it. There really is nothing to compare...one option completely outweighs the other. Am I stupid or something. Hell, I don't know.

Now I see where the worry I had before going on the trip came from. For some silly reason I wanted to go, yet I didn't want to go at the same time. It was constantly in the back of my mind until we got on the road. Now I know why. I'd have a taste of freedom, and an actual real life...ooh imagine that. And I'd want more! Boy, do I ever want more!

Ok, It's not all about roses, and 24/7 smiles and all that shit. I don't want to go back just so I can do some partying or any of that. It would just be nice to wake up, and offer someone a cup of coffee without being growled at. Be nice to just ask any type of question without being grumped and growled at. Fuck him!!

Y'know. This post was supposed to be all about the weekend in N.C. and how much fun we had, but I've been totally bummed out since he woke up and went to work that I just don't feel like typing happy thoughts right now.

posted by Donna at 9/05/2006 07:23:00 a.m.